“I make movies that make no sense and make no money.”
― Seijun Suzuki
CONTENTS
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Le cinéma1 was always my way of expressing my authenticity to the world. As a sixteen-year-old child, I held my first Red Dragon caméra2, then orgasmed. I was deeply obsessed with the medium. The year was 2005 and I was consuming what would become timeless classic films, that everyone still talks about today, like V for Vendetta (IMUB Top 250), Batman Begins (IMUB Top 250), Sin City, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Masterpieces that inspired a whole generation of auteurs like me, who had parents that could afford my desire for an array of increasingly popular art profit colleges.
I told my parents instead of paying for my travels to find myself, I realized I already had. I wanted to make films3. I packed up my Memento Widescreen Two-Disc Limited Edition Special Edition and Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream & Pi DVD 2-Pack and left my well-heeled suburb for the city. I could feel myself gliding along a path to expression and fulfillment (I think), but more importantly, I could become famous and rich (I hope).
This magazine is my love letter to this medium. The documentation of what will be a film journey that will help change the world. I spent years producing work for other people and letting them shine, only to realize I was not able to get the benefits of being famous, admired, and cherished in the way I felt I deserved. As a child people always told me “I was a good liar”, but when I was a teenager people started using the word, “storyteller”. I liked the sound of that. The cinéma would be my way of letting the world know about me and what I have to offer. Hollywood won’t know what hit them.
Freddy Dweeb
(Editor IWTBF, Producer, Director, Screenwriter, Cinematographer, Final Cut Expert, Raconteur, Storyteller, Auteur, B.A. Film Studies Columbia College Chicago)
A BEAUTIFUL MORNING
Production Diary #1
Behind the scenes of Funny Clowns (Dir. Freddy Dweeb)
DAY 1
April 14th 2021 – Dustin carrying directors stool and talking about the first day of filming. All the actors are late, The jimmy johns sub order was incorrect. Gameplan for winning this prize seems hard.
DAY 2
April 23rd 2021 – Talking to the camera with shots of behind the scenes
DAY 3
April 26th 2021 – Behind the scenes video – Checking in with the actor (Matt) on the phone
DAY 4
May 1st 2021 – Masterful directing work from Freddy.
DAY 5
May 8th 2021 – Dustin Making storyboards that dissolve into fight scene. Freddy drafts a vision for the fight scene between Wayne Zany and Skippy Scooter.
“I could make ten movies with that kind of money.”
Are you hiring?
Before I became an auteur, I was deep into the commercial filmmaking realm. I tried to add my “spicy meat-a-balls” to whatever client contract I could. Below is my resume if you are hiring. ↓
“I could make ten movies with that kind of money.”
Freddy’s Film Vlog
Movie Reviews
by Freddy Dweeb
Cinephile, Filmmaker, Camera Enthusiast (Lomography)
Submit your suggestions on what to review next at readyfreddyfilms@gmail.com
Tom and Jerry
A frivolous romp through New York City, while hunting for wealth, turns a legendary chef-d’oeuvre of animated brilliance into a hunk of shit and pee. They destroyed my childhood with this ghastly motion picture. Advice to the producers, if you have top talent like Colin Jost, USE MORE OF HIM! By the end of the film, we never really find out if Tom got to play with John Legend.
I Care a Lot
Great watch if you consider yourself “a smart” movie observer. Thrilling scenes with tranquilizer darts/syringes, tasers, and vaping paint a quest for money that is entertaining and smart. The plot does seem convenient and, while it is garbage, when you realize smart-films have much more to say under everything, you’ll see it was intentional. Women now have a psychopath they can root for among the man-favorite likes of Travis Bickle, Gordon Gekko, and Predator.
Justice League: The Snyder Cut
Comparing this to the Whedon version seems to be the only lens that when equipped, creates a mirage of interesting material. To compare the two is similar to answering the age-old question, “Would you rather be pooped or peed on?” I’ll take the pee, I guess.
Justice League: The Snyder Cut: Black and White Edition
This presents the film in a whole new way. A now brilliant (and smart) vision that rightly deserves a call for more money, time, and energy to spend on these expensive nostalgic masterpieces.
Justice League: The Snyder Cut: Fan-Made VHS Filter Effect Edition
Also, quite brilliant.
“I can’t pay you, but it will be good for your reel.”
TOP 5 Most Anticipated Movies of 2021
#5 Bologna
Directed by Ari Aster
Prepare for a scare-tacular heebie-jeebie time. This film promises to be spookier, smarter, and more than six hours long. COUNT ME IN!
– Freddy Dweeb – Film Fanatic
Bologna (Official Teaser)
Check out the creep-tastic and emotional teaser trailer.
Bologna Teaser EXPLAINED
Freddy reacts and breaks down the creep-tastic and emotional trailer.
#4 The Lion King (Live Action)
Directed by Gaspar Noe
Audiences were amazed by The Lion King (2019) and its daring choice of realistic CGI. Disney has been breeding animals since 2008 for the new live-action 2021 remake-remake.
– Freddy Dweeb – Film Fanatic
“It was worth it, because raising them in captivity makes them more docile and easier to tranquilize for my long takes and extensive camera rig setups. This is going to be fucking nuts.” – Gaspar Noe (Director)
-Entertainment Weekly
#3 Marvel VS DC (Rumored)
Directed by (TBD)
Let’s be honest that both conglomerates are relying on storylines around magic cubes and fan-service cinema trends. I need to escape from the hellscape of adulthood in late-stage capitalism. I’m sick of taking the Coke vs Pepsi challenge. Pour both of them into my mouth at the same time and take my money! I never want to grow up!
– Freddy Dweeb – Film Fanatic
#2 Pathogopia
Directed by Charlie Kaufman
Hollywood has been helping us deal with COVID-19 in many ways, such as encouraging us to wear masks. Charlie Kaufman and Disney are teaming up to not encourage masks, but ask the audience, “What is a mask?” and “What do masks mean?” Really deep stuff. My screenwriting teacher in college told me I had a Kaufman-Esque vibe about my script Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2.
– Freddy Dweeb – Film Fanatic
#1 Murder Fuck
Directed by The Property Brothers
Reality TV’s favorite duo are jumping into the film business. The Property Brothers revealed their grindhouse horror debut was filmed inside of houses they had a crew build for them.
– Freddy Dweeb – Film Fanatic
“Do I have to come down there and do it myself?!”
The NOSTALGIC BACKGROUNDs
of Space Jam:
A New Legacy
Cameos from Warner Brothers classics
by Freddy Dweeb
The new Space Jam trailer puked out a lot of nostalgia to get fans interested in this remake and admittedly I’m one of them. I was proud of the studios for cutting out Pepé Le Pew after several allegations surfaced that he had sexually assaulted Penelope and masturbated into a filing cabinet drawer inside their shared Warner Brothers office. After the skunk (who I will no longer name) was cut, there was serious analysis of other background talent and if they should stay, including the gang of dorks from A Clockwork Orange. I was divided between the nostalgic characters that guided me in my youth, while providing me with referential conversational material for early adult relationships versus the reality of adopting new object relations in the world during maturation.
I played the trailer on repeat for days, trying to find other hallmarks of the Warner Brothers collection of illustrious and chimerical characters. I discovered over a hundred essential figures from cinema that this studio has brought into our collective consciousness. After exchanging sightings and revelations with friends, making social media rants, and developing this article, I discovered that the film’s trailer was meant to influence a fan reaction marketing campaign, which I was proud to be a part of. Thanks for always thinking about the fans and how much they are willing to spend on salvaged used parts.
Any openings where you work?
I’ve been a freelancer for 13 years. My experience in advertising shows I know how to sell a product. ↓
Here is my resume, if you’re hiring.
Freddy’s Film Tips
Featured Filmmaker:
Freddy Dweeb
Freddy speaks on how to hustle in the independent film industry.
A conversation with myself about micro-budget filmmaking and my work.
I’m someone who has had plenty of experience navigating the independent film world. I’ve manipulated friends and family to fund my playtime. I’ve relied on post production to create an “experimental vibe” to make a film slightly more watchable. I’ve paid people for sixteen hours worth of work, with two slices of pizza, and with no guilt. I’m a micro-budget producer/director and proud of it.
Freddy: Let’s start at the beginning. What was your first film?
Freddy: I made films for many years, but those are the kind of projects you practice on or don’t finish. They’re learning experiments for you. When you’re a serious filmmaker you want your first film in your filmography to really be something that stands the test of time. That’s why I’m proud of Watermelon Cream.
Filmography
- Watermelon Cream (2013)
- #ladytramping (2014)
- Club Drama (2017)
- Puzzlin’ (2018)
- Veteran Robot (2019)
- Funny Clowns (2021)
- Adventurer Prison (TBA)
Freddy: Let’s start at the beginning. What was your first film?
Freddy: I made films for many years, but those are the kind of projects you practice on or don’t finish. They’re learning experiments for you. When you’re a serious filmmaker you want your first film in your filmography to really be something that stands the test of time. That’s why I’m proud of Watermelon Cream.
“They’ll appreciate my work soon.”
A BEAUTIFUL EVENING
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I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ISSUE#1
Special Thanks
Photography –
readyfreddyfilms.com 